okay, i'll rant a bit...
i quit this game, i hate wanting to play it so badly. i wish i could play i and be producive in real life at the same time, but i cannot.
in the real world my closest friends and family are all raging alcoholics and drug addicts... i never wanted any part of it, i was alone. it was too hard to face when i was 17 when i began to hide from all of it and put everything that i had into this game.
this game made me feel like i belonged to something... and when i started getting good at it, like i was important, and even idolized.
seven years of hiding from the world and bottling up my sadness and anger... i finally grew so tired of those feelings that i have developed a skill to take any situation or thought that makes me sad or angry, and see the bright side of it. and learn from it.
it's a great weight lifted from my chest... instead of thinking about wanting to die when i'm not playing or smoking cigarettes, i think about good things... all good things.
i am in the final stages of enlisting into the US navy and for a job i want to climb the chain of command no matter what hoops i have to jump. i want the power, the respect, i want to be a leader... i want it because it sounds like the most challenging, and rewarding job in the US military... i want it because it seems like the furthest thing from what i was destined to be with the cards i was dealt from birth...
well, that's all.