Feeling stuck in my 20's

handsomedgc

handsomedgc

Scum of the earth
Hi guys,

This is thread to talk about feeling stuck in my 20's, I'm looking for people who feel they are in the same boat and advice from those who feel like it. I know this is a twinking forum, but most of you guys and girls are pretty look pretty resourcefull ingame and real life.

My situation
Last year I turned 22 and I discovered that I have not accomplished anything note worthy in my life. I'm working on my bachelor, but I'm stuck in my first year and somehow started to hate what I loved about my education. At the end of a day of doing practically nothing I feel exhausted and I feel the dread of the next day growing. I don't have a job and do the bare minimum to stay healthy and in shape. I don't know if there are many out there who feel the same like this, I can't be the only one right?'

The real problem starts when I compare my life with those of my brothers, girlfriend, friends and even some of the people here. Both my brothers are studying and doing well at some of the best universties over here, work a job on the side and hit the gym a lot. My GF manages to be a pro-athlete while getting through a very difficult education. Both of my best friends are already buying a house and starting a family. I also see many people here on XpOff making the best out of there lifes, doing 10 things and still looking energetic.

TLDR;
My biggest fear is that I will never make it out of my twenties and that I am wasting the 'best years' of my life. I love that everyone around me is doing well, but I hate that I can't keep up with them.

Anyway, I really needed to get this of my chest. Thanks for those who took the time to read this crap, here is a funny picture.
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Sounds like growing pains - things were easy before but are difficult now, eg, studying suddenly is serious business and there's little room for anything else. We all go through it. Man up, prioritize, understand you are learning how to live now and this will take some time. Decide what's the most important activity (likely studying), work on it and get it to the state where it does not worry you. Forget all this "I don't enjoy it anymore", that's all weaksauce, get it all in great shape first and then decide if you like it or not. Then take the next important activity (eg, gym), work on that without letting the first important thing get weak. Etc.

It might make sense to organize your thoughts about all this first, some time management books might help (but don't pick too many, just one, and it is better if someone you trust would recommend one to you, there's a ton of fluff that is not worth anyone's time). Maybe plain ask them how they would approach it if they were you.

While we are on this, ignore WoW and all games in general. Play them every now and then, but they are the first activities to cut back on, nearly anything else is more important. There will be better games in the years ahead, make your life first, then come play.

It all takes a lot of effort, but it is worth it. Good luck. It's wonderful times for you now, unironically. If you want to feel a little better about yourself, understand that most people your age are in the same boat, similarly wandering in random directions and similarly exclaiming "I think I don't like it" and "I feel I might not make it" at every corner. You can absolutely outrun a hell of a lot of them, just get organized, the sooner, the better.
 
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I wouldn't worry about it just do what makes you happy, if you are not happy with how things are now the only thing you can do is change it yourself. Try not to worry about what others are doing and focus on what you want to do.
 
You're definitely not the only one. I was in a similar situation my 2nd year of college. I had no set ideas on careers I wanted to pursue and I was annoyed by the liberal arts core curriculum requirements. I stuck it out, but I had to change my perspective to earn that diploma. Basically I went into my last 3 years without thinking any of my education would lead to a career, opting instead for courses that would enrich my understanding of subjects I enjoyed. Even then, there were some real stinkers that I put in a minimal effort for a passing grade. Find professors and mentors who can engage your curiosity and it will be much more tolerable, you'll get through it.

Keep yourself out of unnecessary debt and you'll be doing better than most people.

I've had friends that started families early and I've got friends that are starting to have kids in their mid to late 30s. Set reasonable expectations for yourself, you might be looking to start a career or a family but at 22, you've got plenty of time to figure these things out.

I was a biking/skiing maniac in my 20s and 30s and it definitely helped clear my head, even in times where I was down to my last few bucks in my bank account. Guys like @Chops can probably give you some good guidance with regards to fitness.

Nothing is set in stone, with a few thousand decisions, your entire life can change.
 
handsomedgc said:
The real problem starts when I compare my life with those of my brothers, girlfriend, friends and even some of the people here.
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Here lies the ultimate problem, A lot of time people compare their whole selves to what others are willing to show(social media) and usually all you're actually seeing is the highlight real of someone's life. If a fish compares itself to a monkey in its ability to climb a tree, the fish is going to feel useless. I used to go in spurts, feeling the same way as you. The only social media I'm on is twitter, I guess discord if you think its social media. But I've also noticed I thrive when I work on myself and don't worry about others.

The best years of your life can be any years YOU want them to be. I believe the next 10 years of my life are going to be my golden years (I'm 27)
 
22 is young. Just find a subject/career that is of interest to you and work towards getting a degree in that. College is worth it if you finish it, fight like hell to get through. Get a tutor if you need it, there is no shame in learning. If you are unsure about a career, these guys do an amazing job breaking down how you learn and communicate https://emergenetics.com, which can really help in picking a field. Might be hard to find a solo class though. You aren't wasting your best years, 26-35 has felt the same for me. Just focus on what you are interested in and a career you will enjoy and flourish in. If you are an introvert, make sure you find a career that works well with.
 
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you really need to stop comparing yourself to others, especially those online. all you're getting are snapshots from them from a time they think is the peak for themselves and even the people on this site saying they are achieving X Y and Z could simply be lying through their teeth

i know its a cliché suggestion at this point but working out and drinking more water really does help a lot, especially if you are lifting weights. also again it's a cliché but podcasts can be good, i'd recommend you some stuff but based on your picture and what you think humour is we are totally different (which is why you shouldn't compare to strangers online)
 
Thanks for sharing, if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me! Like the guys before said we’ve all been there and you do have a lot of options for moving forward. One day at a time!
 
This is a result of social media and nothing wrong with you. 100%. Took guts to post what you did, I admire that. It's never to late to become what you could be...

Remember we're all here for you too!

FOR THE ALLIANCE!
 
The best advice I’ve ever heard for someone your age and in college is this: Sleep more than you study. Study more than you party. Party as hard as you fucking can.

You’re in your early twenties and feel listless and lost and confused and unsure of your place in the universe? Good. You’re supposed to. You are right where you’re supposed to be.

22 is just so fucking young man. You don’t have to have it figured out. I got a degree in philosophy and did some post grad in history. I was planning on law school, got burned out, graduated without a clue. My career since college has been: spoken word poet (no shit), strength and conditioning coach, now in web development.

I’m still not entirely convinced I know what I’m doing. But I’m debt free, bought my truck in cash, and I’m poised to buy a house on a substantial plot of land by next year.

i wasn’t making more than 11k a year until my mid thirties. You’ve got so much time, my dude. So much.

Embrace where you’re at. Youre exactly where you’re supposed to be. Take it from a guy who “wasted” a whole decade... i wouldn’t trade that experience for the world.

The only way you’ll end up wasting your life is if you spend your days wishing you were living someone else’s.
 
Chops said:
I’m still not entirely convinced I know what I’m doing. But I’m debt free, bought my truck in cash, and I’m poised to buy a house on a substantial plot of land by next year.

i wasn’t making more than 11k a year until my mid thirties. You’ve got so much time, my dude. So much.

Embrace where you’re at. Youre exactly where you’re supposed to be. Take it from a guy who “wasted” a whole decade... i wouldn’t trade that experience for the world.
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I identify with this very strongly. I had a hell of a run in my 20s, not necessarily getting paid well, but doing some cool jobs that let me live a ski bum lifestyle in some choice locations. Now 37, unemployed for the last year and not entirely sure I want to go back to the old part time job I had before the pandemic. Is it ideal, no, but I'm trying to make the most of it while working a few other side hustles.

Keep your eyes and ears open and don't be afraid to take some risks when opportunity calls.

@Hashbrowns INTP-A / INTP-T, Logician
 
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From my experience, the best way to combat the temptation of comparison is giving a name to the source. Often times I found myself concluding that "comparison is unhealthy" but never address the why. It is honestly terrifying at times to make presumptions beyond that, because contrary to awful feeling of being left behind I actually found comfort in it. I think a lot of people do too, maybe even you if it's ok I make that claim.

How I got/am getting through that struggle is focusing on the outlet in which I see peers rather than how I view their success. Sketch said it great when emphasizing social media. Even if its not how you're making your inferences, I believe the more narrow a view is, the more negative a person ends up feeling. Of course we can't hover over every nuance of our loved one's lives, but telling ourselves that truth is the most healthy comfort we can give. There's no algorithm to measure happiness, just equations with different intentions.

Speaking just for me, I compare myself to others because I have a clingy disposition. The thought of not being worthy of my peers makes me scared I'll be isolated, like the last train from absolute nothing to something. When I came to that realization, it's only logical that I wasn't comparing qualities, I was feeding an irrational phobia.

If you call out your worry for what it is, you'll be astonished how distant they are from "comparisons." Logic is a first step into healing. And we all are worthy of self respect, imo.
 
Hashbrowns said:
Curious to see what people are...
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
INTJ here
Click to expand...

INTP-T here. Pretty cool read.

And to the OP. Listen, you are so god damn young. I graduated college and got a job in that field. Hated it. Got another diploma, and never even used it. Ended up working for the government.

I dont LOVE this job, but it pays the bills and I have a wife and kid now.

I loved my 20s. Just work hard, and dont forget to have fun. You'll figure out life as it comes to you.
 
Everyone's paths are different so don't try to compare yours to others. Short tangent to give an example: One of my friends, despite being well respected by his peers and managers, got burnt out of business life a year or two ago and quit to just take up a job at a rock-climbing gym. He retro-fitted a van to be a living quarters so he could camp out at various parks and forest reserves on his days off. Dude was the happiest he had been in years and has since gotten married. He has recently gotten back into the office life and returned to a normal housing situation but his time in the van did wonders for his mental and helped him as a person. Many people would look down on his time in the van as a waste or disappointment if they surface level compared his life to his peers, especially since he was in his upper 20s/lower 30s during that period, but he absolutely needed it to get to his current point in life.

To re-empathize what others have already said you only see the highlights of other people's lives, its not even fair to compare the whole of yours to these.
 
I could repeat a lot of the stuff already said, and the main point is stop comparing. It doesn't make sense. Everyone is different.

A few of my friends felt cheated that for instance a carpenter earned more than they did right off the bat despite them having studied for longer and in a way more demanding field. However, what they forgot was that they have a huge opportunity for growth whereas the carpenter is stuck (unless the carpenter literally start their own business). A carpenter's salary is never ever going to be able to increase with the same increments as an engineer for instance.

Whoever starts early and finishes early will always seem successful, and they are within their own rights, but there is no point in comparing, especially if you're not even going the same route.

Another huge factor is where you come from. Some people have to fight harder to get the same thing as someone else, simply because they were dealt a worse hand in the rng-machine of life. Is what it is. Doesn't mean you can't achieve. There will always be hardships in life and obstacles will come and go.

I just want to state that social media is a huge facade. People only show one side of things, and usually in an overly sugarcoated manner. No one's life is 100% perfect. Far from it. Everyone wants to show their good side. Close family are also more likely to put their members in a good light (unless the family is dysfunctional).

I would honestly go as far to say, scrap social media. Keep your account for birthday and other event invites / notifications and use Messenger/Snapchat to keep in contact with those who you engage with on a regular basis. Any other aspect is just mind-numbingly scrolling through other people's lives out of curiosity and that's where you get caught up in comparing yourself. I ended up scrapping social media. Not because I was comparing, but because I could literally not see the point. If I wanted an update on someone's life, I'd much rather hang out with them or have a chat or something, which in turn also allows you to dig deeper (if the friendship is on that level), and that often shows you that there is just as much bad as good and sometimes more bad than good.

All-in-all, you shouldn't worry. Honestly.

I can say for a fact that you have plenty of time to figure things out, find out where your interest lie and aim for a career path in that direction. A lot of the time you might not hit a bullseye straight away, but you'll be around the mark and able to steer towards it more and more in time.

I was between 3 career paths, not knowing what to choose until the last moment, and even then, I ended up changing path (although within the field, from embedded developer to web). It takes time to figure things out, for anyone. And you have time.
 
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