F2P Poems Thread - contribute! :D

[Purse]

This is a dedicated topic for F2P Poems.

Please write poems about anything related to F2P, especially that funny bunch on Aerie Peak Horde. I'll start with one about that Swagpurse kid:

There once was mage who wore purple pants
Who would sit in Worg on his Darkmoon Bear and /dance
He hardly ever played, but when he did, he botted all day
If he gets caught, will Blizzard give a second chance?

*EDIT: Also. If your reply does not at least contain a F2P poem/haiku, it will be deleted.

 

[Shft]

​first

 

[Bizarre]

F2P poems are really bad,
And this thread makes me rather sad.
I visit TI and what do I read?
Poems from Purse that make my eyes bleed.
Typing like a madman, I give you my thoughts,
I'd rather read a poem written by one of your bots.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?
These words I preach are also free.
You've taken my time, now I will take your soul.
I'll burn you like the weed in my bowl.
Blah, blah, blah I could keep adding text,
but I'd like to see which victim is next!

 

[Thor]

Poems from Purse that make your eyes bleed?
That’s some cooold shit.... indeed
I saw this thread too... and I am so sad
I want to try.. but my English is so bad.
Before horde I make my stand
Without that goddamn demon band,
Thinking this game is sooo sick
Fishing for a turtle more than a week.
I used to be a gy farmer back in the days
But after I met you guys I’ve changed my ways
Now I fight for justice… I think
Dreaming to be a super-uber twink
Killing dragons, pros and stuff
But that wouldn’t be enough
I want to change the world too
To make it better for me.. for you..
Damn ! Pools respawn !!!
Sea Turtle HERE I COOOMEEE !!!!

 

[allahkazam]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I rolled a human hunter
So I can always GY farm you!

 

[Mightybit]

Soft as a whisper
Behind suddenly slicing
Daggers await you

 

[inoobupro]

Pootispencer is the best hunter to step on east.

Hes a mother fucking beast.

When I enter WSG you lil nerds run galore.

I just sit back and laugh and ignore.

You really thinking you can compete with a g?

Im a fuckin legend in AB

I dont lose I do this shit all day.

Squelch me if you dont wanna hear what I gota say.

Yall are posers except for some.

Just talk mad shit you kids are dumb.

Id love to see you scrubs one vs one.

Increase my pride , its all fun.

Been #1 hunter for over 3 years.

All you fuckers still hating, get the occasional cheers, Dont phase me, I got beers.

Im gonna wrap this up because I dont got all night.

Gonna be about 1000 nerds to fight.

At least you faggots know who your owner is.

Everytime I join a game you nerds jizz.

One last word I gota Say.

eZpK

 

[Açaí]

A Blood Elf's clothes were all gone
At a F2P party where she had been drawn
Then a Tauren came
If this wasn't a game
She would be smashed as if a crouton.

 

[Robert the Druid]

Now this is the ballad all about how
My subscription got canceled after I got ragnaros down
And I'd like to take a moment just try not to freak
While I tell you how I rerolled free to play Aerie-Peak.

In the plains of mulgore, born and raised
Outside of Orgrimmar is where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, castin', shiftin' all cool
And all queuein' some Warsong when we got out of school
When a couple of allies, dressed in full twill
Started making trouble outside Razor Hill
I got camped for a bit, it was starting to look bleak
My friend said "Yo' Robert, lets reroll Free to Play, Aerie-Peak!"

I whistled for my mount and when it got to my feet
License plate said "PWN" and had a passenger seat
If anything I could say that this mount was sleek
But I thought nah, forget it, rerollin' to Aerie-Peak!

I, joined, into a premade at about 1k HP
And I yelled to my friend "Can you believe this is free?!"
Looked at the community, it seemed quite unique
Seems I'll enjoy my time here at Aerie-Peak

 

[Snowjobs]

there once was this druid
he played with 24's
but then he quit
cause they were a buncha whores

he rolled a free to play
one summer day.
he called up blizzard
and said "damn u guys gay"

my poety is sucky
because ima a mechanical engineer
and probably also why
you never see me here

ive got to get to class
and to hang with my lass
every other class
can kiss my ass

druids 4 lyfe

 

[Robert the Druid]

there once was this druid
he played with 24's
but then he quit
cause they were a buncha whores

he rolled a free to play
one summer day.
he called up blizzard
and said "damn u guys gay"

my poety is sucky
because ima a mechanical engineer
and probably also why
you never see me here

ive got to get to class
and to hang with my lass
every other class
can kiss my ass

druids 4 lyfe

I commend you for trying, and it is certainly nowhere near the worst poem I've read but our rhym scheme is a bit odd ._.

X
A
X
A

B
B
X
B

X
A
X
A

B
B
B
B

and to keep from posting without contributing:

Roses are Red,
Druids can Shift,
With all these potions,
I sure am swift.

 

[Yde]

Keep in mind that English isn't my first language. I couldn't for the life of me produce the proper iambic pentameter. -_- Please forgive me for butchering Shakespeare (98).


Waffling in Uncertainty - A Sonnet

From you have I been absent in this patch,
While Guild Wars Two, which more than is your match,
Hath put a spirit of youth in everything,
That Dead Vulcano laughed and leaped within.

Yet nor the friends that moved, nor the sweet skills
Of different classes in design and name,
Could make me yet give up your honor kills,
And move me to leave friends that play this game.

Nor did I buy or build a new PC,
Nor install Windows yet, though I miss friends;
No time for both, although the thought is glee,
I must decide, as summer freedom ends.

Soon Tyria shall be the place I stay,​

But I will sometimes still log Free to Play.
​

 

[Swagbasket]

Once on a random realm, and one day I see
a recruitment thread for team S-W-A-G
Wasn't really sure if those guys were all that
So continued my life without a lucky fishing hat
Then I run into dem swagboyz in a random B-G
Pouch said you look a'ite you should come to A-P!
I like to ball so I picked the name Basket
Join team swag to put hunters in their casket
Swagbasket ! That name was good I hope
Put Swag in front NOW AIN'T THAT SHIT DOPE?!?
Met a lot of cool kids on Aerie Peak
Together we clobbered the stupid and the weak
Premades erry day! three two one QUE!
You pressed Leave? THE %^&$'s WRONG WITH YOU?!?
Wanted to call the cops on some people if I could
Because it should be illegal to be DAT GOOD!
Aerie Peak horde what a journey its been!
Enjoyable even with Purse! just kiddin

 

[Jesus]

Hot cross buns

Hot cross buns

One-a-penny Two-a-penny

Hot cross buns

 

[CripzBlood]

Yo, i rolled up with hunter
i brought your butter
Now its gonna hurt
U better stay alert
But now time have passed
And we got nerfed
Healer boy, healer boy, healer boy
What u gonna do
when the rogues come for u
U can hide but we go find u
so u can run and tell that
Home boy, home home boy.
that hes going to get nerfed xD.

This is bad.

 

[suntimehappy]

in wailing caverns
the last boss casts mindcontrol
aimshot scrub teammates

 

[R Prime]

A Movement so clear
I see Paladins swarming
Flavor of the Month

Holy Shocking Drunk
These fools make it look horrid
The finest WoW class

I sit back and nod
I see what you are doing
Tiny minded tinks

 

[Earlwing]

Once upon a time, there was a Paladin named Earl
He capped all your flags, and swooned all your girls
His armor glimmered, like a flame in the night
While he spammed exorcism to win every fight
There was a time, when he could 1 shot scrubs
But that was boring, so he went and trolled dubbs
But now it's fixed, so he spams denounce instead
If he keeps this up, his R key will be dead
If you see him in the gulch, be sure to /wave
And know that he'll help you farm the horde grave
He can pvp forever, but he doesn't like to rhyme
So rest easy knowing, he's # 1 all time.

 

[CripzBlood]

in wailing caverns
the last boss casts mindcontrol
aimshot scrub teammates

Thats what i do sometimes when they annoy me during the dung.

 

[Earlwing]

Remember Johneffer.