Moving Out

Tom Ganks

Guest
I've reached a decision in my life where I feel like I need to leave the confines of my parents' house and care. It's made me insecure, lazy, and above all else, regretful. I'm nearing 24 and I managed to get my associates within that timeframe (geez took me long enough). I'm currently on a 2nd degree plan for another associates (only 2 semesters in) and I've decided to put that to a screeching halt and just move out. My parents are a bit on the over-protective side, with higher expectations (not a bad thing really) and are generally hard to detach from. What I mean by that last part, is that they tend to want to persuade me to come back within a day of kicking me out (this has happened twice before) after something as trivial as getting a C or a D in a class, or slacking on chores. All of which I agree should be improved upon, and I've failed to satisfy that. But it's just a habbit they've failed to recognize as a trait that can't be broken with the same type of lecturing. I will genuinely have to learn these things on my own, I feel.

I've dropped my addiction to gaming, so that isn't really of concern, and I've saved up a sufficient amount to move out. My friend is going for his bachelors in a neighboring city a few hours away, and has a spare room in which is only demanding affordable monthly payment (without a down payment). I will also have another friend joining me to help pay the rent a few months following when his current lease is up. The plan is for us to all eventually work towards buying property over rent.

All in all, I feel like I was dragged down to this town that's hours away from my closest friends and any chance I have at a satisfied youth. I don't want to be in my 30s working some job I hate (with the upside of a self-sustainable salary), far away from anyone that I can associate with and depend on. I believe I can work my way up without gearing myself directly towards my degree's intent. I never want to settle for less, so I won't find myself working for $15/hr for long.
 
Tom Ganks said:
I've reached a decision in my life where I feel like I need to leave the confines of my parents' house and care. It's made me insecure, lazy, and above all else, regretful. I'm nearing 24 and I managed to get my associates within that timeframe (geez took me long enough). I'm currently on a 2nd degree plan for another associates (only 2 semesters in) and I've decided to put that to a screeching halt and just move out. My parents are a bit on the over-protective side, with higher expectations (not a bad thing really) and are generally hard to detach from. What I mean by that last part, is that they tend to want to persuade me to come back within a day of kicking me out (this has happened twice before) after something as trivial as getting a C or a D in a class, or slacking on chores. All of which I agree should be improved upon, and I've failed to satisfy that. But it's just a habbit they've failed to recognize as a trait that can't be broken with the same type of lecturing. I will genuinely have to learn these things on my own, I feel.

I've dropped my addiction to gaming, so that isn't really of concern, and I've saved up a sufficient amount to move out. My friend is going for his bachelors in a neighboring city a few hours away, and has a spare room in which is only demanding affordable monthly payment (without a down payment). I will also have another friend joining me to help pay the rent a few months following when his current lease is up. The plan is for us to all eventually work towards buying property over rent.

All in all, I feel like I was dragged down to this town that's hours away from my closest friends and any chance I have at a satisfied youth. I don't want to be in my 30s working some job I hate (with the upside of a self-sustainable salary), far away from anyone that I can associate with and depend on. I believe I can work my way up without gearing myself directly towards my degree's intent. I never want to settle for less, so I won't find myself working for $15/hr for long.
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Just so you know - You just earned some serious respect for posting this. There is nothing more important than actually pushing forward with your life. Your parents will never change. You will though. Oh and those friends you talk about - yeah ...that'll last maybe another 2-3 years. When they get married/improve themselves - youll be texting more than actually hanging out (if that). You have nothing to be insecure about. You're growing up something a lot of the people you're speaking to here - haven't done. If I can do it at 18 so can you. Right now in your life - I recommend doing a job you hate for a while - experience is really what makes you grow as an individual. So without sounding harsh - push hard/work hard. Don't buy property with a friend. Rent till you get really comfy. If you can't continue to rent with a friend - rent by yourself. Build that payroll - max out 401k if you can afford to. I'm not sure where you live (state) if I did I could give you more advice (DM if you wish).

best of luck Ford man!
 
“money isn’t everything, not having it is”- kane
i hope your degrees arent for some bullshit like art history or something. be useful. you can make real good money in the trades if whatever your plan is doesn’t work out. maybe get a job swinging a hammer or apprentice an electrician to support yourself while in school.
 
Tom Ganks said:
I've reached a decision in my life where I feel like I need to leave the confines of my parents' house and care. It's made me insecure, lazy, and above all else, regretful. I'm nearing 24 and I managed to get my associates within that timeframe (geez took me long enough). I'm currently on a 2nd degree plan for another associates (only 2 semesters in) and I've decided to put that to a screeching halt and just move out. My parents are a bit on the over-protective side, with higher expectations (not a bad thing really) and are generally hard to detach from. What I mean by that last part, is that they tend to want to persuade me to come back within a day of kicking me out (this has happened twice before) after something as trivial as getting a C or a D in a class, or slacking on chores. All of which I agree should be improved upon, and I've failed to satisfy that. But it's just a habbit they've failed to recognize as a trait that can't be broken with the same type of lecturing. I will genuinely have to learn these things on my own, I feel.

I've dropped my addiction to gaming, so that isn't really of concern, and I've saved up a sufficient amount to move out. My friend is going for his bachelors in a neighboring city a few hours away, and has a spare room in which is only demanding affordable monthly payment (without a down payment). I will also have another friend joining me to help pay the rent a few months following when his current lease is up. The plan is for us to all eventually work towards buying property over rent.

All in all, I feel like I was dragged down to this town that's hours away from my closest friends and any chance I have at a satisfied youth. I don't want to be in my 30s working some job I hate (with the upside of a self-sustainable salary), far away from anyone that I can associate with and depend on. I believe I can work my way up without gearing myself directly towards my degree's intent. I never want to settle for less, so I won't find myself working for $15/hr for long.
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I can mirror twobuttons in his advice not to buy property with friends. That is way too risky and could blow up in your face/ruin you. People are also going to grow apart, it's kinda strange. You have close friends then they move apart once they start a family, then decades down the road you reconnect and hang out more after the kids are all grown up and you're nearing/at retirement. It sucks but it's just how life works when you have limited time between work, marriage, and kids.

One thing you mentioned was about feeling like you were held back, but ultimately that was on you. You did a good job of developing enough self awareness to admit to your shortcomings and work on them, but I can guarantee you could have been further ahead if you didn't indulge in video games/slacking off as much. You're a lot further ahead than some people and the fact that you were in an environment that you could slack off on chores, develop a gaming addiction, and live at home for so long is a testament to how permissive your parents were for you and their not kicking you out at 18.

There's no shame in living at home in your 20s, especially with how mandatory post secondary education is. In countries outside of the states/Canada, people generally dont move out of their home until they are married. Ultimately as long as you're reaching for a goal/doing schooling and not slacking off in the basement playing wow all day who cares? It's a hell of a lot easier to finish school without the stress of a job to pay for rent/food/survive.
 
gonna chime in to third this: DO NO GO INTO BUSINESS WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Dont buy property together, dont entangle yourselves financially. You're all gonna grow separate ways, and money is just gonna fuck it up.

Here's the thing. Move out. Yesterday. Be on your own.

You're gonna fuck up, man. All of us did.

You're gonna spend your rent money on booze or random road trips or girls (or boys, I dont know your life) or stupid TVs or what have you. You're gonna stay up way too late and miss shifts at work, you're gonna travel 500 miles for concerts on a whim, youre gonna get in bar fights. Your friends and you are gonna fall out, then fall back together, then fall out again. You'll make new friends thatll see you through rough times with old friends.

And nobody is gonna be there to catch you. And thats awesome. You're gonna fuckin learn how to carry yourself through life and there's really nothing more valuable than that.

Its gonna suck at times, my dude. But its gonna rule way more than that. "all my losses is lessons" is some hokey ass shit but honestly, it's not too far from the truth.

Get out there man. Get some scars. Have a good time. Make some memories. You'll never gonna regret it.
 
Sounds like u r going to jump in the deep end and have the option to try and swim or sink.
Obviously I don’t have all the details in ur situation, but is there any reason why u can’t try to improve ur habits in ur current environment?
I feel all u will be doing is adding extra stress to ur life and making it more difficult. Sure, it may force u to adjust certain traits but at what cost?
The grass is just as brown on the other side of the fence my friend. If u have supportive parents, try to work on ur habits while u have their support.
Today’s generation is different to yesterday’s, and ur parents may be struggling to understand ur ways as it differs to theirs. Not all parents are good at adapting to the changing world. Accept them for who they are, and force urself to change any undesirable habits u may have. U can still enjoy life with them and strive towards ur goals.
Don’t be quick to add extra stress to ur life...... Stress will inevitably find u, so enjoy each day and take life day by day.
Good luck whatever u choose friend. ;)
 
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If you're working to improve yourself, then I really recommend staying with your parents for as long as you can, as it is financially smart. If they kick you out or your mental health can't handle it, then move out, but there's no need to give in to societal pressure on this. You are no less of a person for living with them in your 20s. That said, use that time spent with them to better yourself either educationally or financially. Others have pretty much already covered all the bases in regards to other good advice. I was once in a similar situation to yours, and I promise, life does get better. You need to find something that works for you and then proceed to run with it.
 
Thanks for the input. But I still plan on moving out. It definitely is for mental reasons above all else. I need social interaction and that's something I can't find down where I am. And I believe working with friends is a good motivator to try and work my way up pay-grades.

I will take your advice in possibly avoiding buying a house with friends, because I can see how that would lead to complications.
 
Good job Tom, move the hell out. Six months after you do, you will be so glad you did (or possibly 6 mins).

I moved outta home when I was 17, never looked back. I had the benefit of perpetually disinterested parents (who inadvertently made me highly independent) which made moving out easy, though. With clingy parents it would have been way harder (but even more worth it).

Kudos to you, sir. Wishing you well.
 
Godspeed on your new adventures. You’ll be glad later on about what you’re doing now because it’s a great learning experience. If you have an update or need to vent about life outside the nest, you can always come back here and let us know. We got your back.
 
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