Khaos
Dare to be Optimistic
Lets here your best jokes, whether they be inappropriate (adult humor) or just down right nasty (baby fetus jokes) I need a good laugh or just a moment like that's messed up. So that we cover our butts use the spoiler feature. That way people are reading the joke at there own risk.
Now the joke Im telling is rather long but believe me you will want to read it all, one of the best laughs Ive ever had.
for those who do not know how to make the spoiler all you have to do is [ spoiler ] [ / spoiler ] no spaces and write what you want condensed between the two. Hope to read some good ones
Now the joke Im telling is rather long but believe me you will want to read it all, one of the best laughs Ive ever had.
A very successful business woman, CEO of a large corporation, her life revoles around work. Lately she began having really horrible migraines so bad that it started to effect her work. She would just shake it off, migraines wouldn't stop her from doing her job.
A few weeks in and the migraines just kept getting worse and worse to the point of where she could not focus on anything but them. A co-worker suggested she try this spiritual doctor. Being all about business she laughed it off not believing it and just increased how much meds she was taking.
A week Later she finally giving in as the migraines got even worse she made an appointment with a suggested spiritual doc that her co-worker suggests. She arrives at a huge office building and enters a elevator, surrounding her nothing but mirrors and as the elevator moved up she began having a horrible migraine. The worse she ever had till the doors open to the suite the doc was and instantly the migraine went away.
"Hi, I have a appointment" she says to the guy who is sitting meditating "yes I been expecting you, please sit" he says motioning to a pillow on the floor she does so. "Are you" "yes I am" the doctor interrupts her before her sentence is over. "ok well Ive been having these really bad migraines. So bad that I cant focus on anything anymore, I have tried everything a physician has recommended to me short of surgery." The doctor chuckles "they couldnt fix your problem.....I want you to do something for me, the next time you feel one of these migraines starting I want you to stare yourself deep into your eyes. put one finger on one temple and the other on the other temple. and I want you to repeat to yourself ~I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache~" the business looking mad that she just wasted money on this guy got up "You gotta be kidding me" she says as she leave and enters the Elevator.
As the elevator descends her migraine begins coming back, so tired and trying everything she decided she would try what he said. There looking deep into her eyes, one finger on one temple and the other on the other temple she says ~I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache~ as she says the last verse the mirgraine disappears and she feels so relieved that she goes directly back up to the spiritual doctor.
As the door opens he stand there smiling "No thanks is needed" he says before she says anything "Ok well ummmm" she says as another pops into her head that she and her husband has tried taking care of for a long time with no help "I have another problem and would like your advice I would pay again" "no need tell me what is the problem" the doc says "Well you see my husband hasnt been able to get an erection for a while, we havent had sex for over a year and really has been effecting our relationship" the doc just laughs and says "send him my way I have just the thing"
Later in the week, the evening after her husband went to go see the doctor they were in bed and things started getting heated. as the clothes began coming off he stops and asks her to go to the restroom she nods kind of surprised at the sudden urge. He goes into the bathroom shutting the door after him coming out a few moments later with a raging hard on and they go at it for 45 mins.
"Oh my god.....so glad you went to that doctor we needed that" she says and he looks at her "can I go to the restroom?" she nods and he goes in and a few moments later he comes out with a even harder erection and they go at it for 1 1/2.
"WOW!!!! we havent had sex like that since before we were married" she says out of breath after having multiple orgasms. "can I go to the restroom" he asks and she nods quickly. to him going in and a few moments later having the largest hard on she ever seen him with and they go at it for 4 hours.
"OMG OMG OMG OMG i have never ever......what are you doing, Oh My GOD!!!!!" she exclaims "that is the best sex we, or I have ever had I might never leave the bed again!" the husband lays smiling then turns "may I go to the restroom" he asks "YES GET YOUR ASS IN THERE" she yells smiling he gets up and he goes into the restroom but this time he doesnt get the door shut all the way.
there she lays in bed wondering what the hell he is doing so she gets up and looks in the crack and there he is looking in the mirror staring deep into his own eyes, one finger on one temple and the other finger on the other temple ~shes not my wife, shes not my wife, shes not my wife~
A few weeks in and the migraines just kept getting worse and worse to the point of where she could not focus on anything but them. A co-worker suggested she try this spiritual doctor. Being all about business she laughed it off not believing it and just increased how much meds she was taking.
A week Later she finally giving in as the migraines got even worse she made an appointment with a suggested spiritual doc that her co-worker suggests. She arrives at a huge office building and enters a elevator, surrounding her nothing but mirrors and as the elevator moved up she began having a horrible migraine. The worse she ever had till the doors open to the suite the doc was and instantly the migraine went away.
"Hi, I have a appointment" she says to the guy who is sitting meditating "yes I been expecting you, please sit" he says motioning to a pillow on the floor she does so. "Are you" "yes I am" the doctor interrupts her before her sentence is over. "ok well Ive been having these really bad migraines. So bad that I cant focus on anything anymore, I have tried everything a physician has recommended to me short of surgery." The doctor chuckles "they couldnt fix your problem.....I want you to do something for me, the next time you feel one of these migraines starting I want you to stare yourself deep into your eyes. put one finger on one temple and the other on the other temple. and I want you to repeat to yourself ~I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache~" the business looking mad that she just wasted money on this guy got up "You gotta be kidding me" she says as she leave and enters the Elevator.
As the elevator descends her migraine begins coming back, so tired and trying everything she decided she would try what he said. There looking deep into her eyes, one finger on one temple and the other on the other temple she says ~I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache, I dont have a headache~ as she says the last verse the mirgraine disappears and she feels so relieved that she goes directly back up to the spiritual doctor.
As the door opens he stand there smiling "No thanks is needed" he says before she says anything "Ok well ummmm" she says as another pops into her head that she and her husband has tried taking care of for a long time with no help "I have another problem and would like your advice I would pay again" "no need tell me what is the problem" the doc says "Well you see my husband hasnt been able to get an erection for a while, we havent had sex for over a year and really has been effecting our relationship" the doc just laughs and says "send him my way I have just the thing"
Later in the week, the evening after her husband went to go see the doctor they were in bed and things started getting heated. as the clothes began coming off he stops and asks her to go to the restroom she nods kind of surprised at the sudden urge. He goes into the bathroom shutting the door after him coming out a few moments later with a raging hard on and they go at it for 45 mins.
"Oh my god.....so glad you went to that doctor we needed that" she says and he looks at her "can I go to the restroom?" she nods and he goes in and a few moments later he comes out with a even harder erection and they go at it for 1 1/2.
"WOW!!!! we havent had sex like that since before we were married" she says out of breath after having multiple orgasms. "can I go to the restroom" he asks and she nods quickly. to him going in and a few moments later having the largest hard on she ever seen him with and they go at it for 4 hours.
"OMG OMG OMG OMG i have never ever......what are you doing, Oh My GOD!!!!!" she exclaims "that is the best sex we, or I have ever had I might never leave the bed again!" the husband lays smiling then turns "may I go to the restroom" he asks "YES GET YOUR ASS IN THERE" she yells smiling he gets up and he goes into the restroom but this time he doesnt get the door shut all the way.
there she lays in bed wondering what the hell he is doing so she gets up and looks in the crack and there he is looking in the mirror staring deep into his own eyes, one finger on one temple and the other finger on the other temple ~shes not my wife, shes not my wife, shes not my wife~
for those who do not know how to make the spoiler all you have to do is [ spoiler ] [ / spoiler ] no spaces and write what you want condensed between the two. Hope to read some good ones
