Allybeboba
Legend
Earlier this week there was a despicable caught on camera at Walmart between two women. I have decided to give my quantitive analysis of this act.
Firstly we will go into a little background on what happened before the camera started rolling. Reportedly, the one woman that wasn't on a motor scooter at the beginning of the video (yes, there's a woman who climbed off of her motor scooter to fight), we will call her"Betsy" said that the fight below started because the scooter lady (who will now be referred to as "Speedy") called a Walmart worker a racial slur.
Calling anyone a racial slur is deplorable. That is not breaking news there. What this does allow is for us to have a clear rooting interest in the fight below, like with an actual babyface (wrestling parlance for "hero") and heel ("villain"). I suppose, for each of you, those roles depend on whether or not you have ties to the Ku Klux Klan. Me, I'm rooting for Betsy and her insane 8 year old son, who I will call "Johnny," partially because I believe someone calls him "Johnny" in the video and partially because I feel like if they made a prequel to the Karate Kid based on Johnny Lawrence's early childhood, it would go kind of like this.
https://youtu.be/0vNoR4Yb4Gc
0:01 — The first minute or so of the video is just some random, muffled trash talk going back and forth, presumably in the aftermath of Speedy dropping her alleged racial bomb on the Walmart employee. Because we don't have a clear view of the soon to be combatants, it's hard to tell who the aggressor is, but one thing is highly likely — the words "Do you think you're better than me???" were uttered somewhere along the way. They're basically the redneck fight equivalent of the timekeeper's bell in a WWE match. As soon as those words are uttered, the fight begins….
1:03 — "Come on bitch"…. yeah, it's going down. Cameraman is approaching the correct aisle to get a good seat. We also hear a high pitched squeal saying "COME OOOOWWWNN…." That would be Johnny. More on him in a second.
1:10 — Speedy motors up to Betsy at about 3 MPH screaming "YOU WANT IT??? YOU WANT IT???" and then, in the most miraculous random "recovery of leg usage" since Grandpa Joe climbed out of bed to visit Willy Wonka's factory, Speedy is off her scooter and onto her feet and swinging mitts on Betsy. (So wait, they let people with fully functional legs use those larks? Honestly, how big a lazy piece of shit do you have to be to ride around Walmart on a motorized scooter instead of, y'know, using your legs?)
1:11 — The crowd is gathering in the background, phones out, ready to watch and film. 2015, yo!
1:15 — I would describe Speedy's fight style as "used windmill being sold on Craig's List," and as the camera makes its way around the corner, we find out how effective the style is, which is to say it's not effective at all. Betsyr has already subdued her to an extent, and Tyler is getting ready to rain a barrage of foreign objects onto Speedy's dome.
1:23 — Welp, "Hey, there are kids here" Guy is in the house. Hey Flanders, just watch…I don't think this particular kid is scared. In fact, Tyler will whoop your ass if you're not careful, old man.
1:26 — If you had "tramp stamp YES -400," cash your ticket.
1:41 — "Johnny, punch her in the fucking face…" Nothing says "Walmart in Indiana" quite like encouraging a second grader to commit felonious assault before he turns nine years old. Start 'em young!
1:62 — Both fighters are able to get to their feet and square off for some fisticuffs. Neither is what I would call an "accurate striker."
1:55 — Down goes a shelf full of shampoo. As the old saying goes, "It's not a fight until the words 'clean up on aisle 12' are uttered over the loudspeaker." Now it's on!!
2:10 — So now Johnny is whaling on Speedy's face, and this is the moral dilemma — if you're a good person, you should be rooting for Betsy and Johnny to win because racism sucks, however, it's hard to root for the side that a) is employing a highly illegal double team tactic and b) has a kid who is openly campaigning for a spot in "juvy" within the next two years.
2:26 — At this point, the fight has degenerated into more of a mating ritual than an actual brawl. Ground and pound equals GROOSSSS….
2:34 — Johnny's trash talk game is on point, dropping a "dummy" and a "do something about it" on Speedy. The only thing missing is a skeleton Halloween costume.
2:53 — BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO TO THE HEAD….JOHNNY WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'??? THAT RACIST HAS A FAMILY, BAH GAWD!!!
So how good is this fight? It actually has a "Part Two"! This is like the Iron Man Match of Walmart Fighting! Let's roll over to Part Two, where we learn more about the Johnny character in the storyline….
Firstly we will go into a little background on what happened before the camera started rolling. Reportedly, the one woman that wasn't on a motor scooter at the beginning of the video (yes, there's a woman who climbed off of her motor scooter to fight), we will call her"Betsy" said that the fight below started because the scooter lady (who will now be referred to as "Speedy") called a Walmart worker a racial slur.
Calling anyone a racial slur is deplorable. That is not breaking news there. What this does allow is for us to have a clear rooting interest in the fight below, like with an actual babyface (wrestling parlance for "hero") and heel ("villain"). I suppose, for each of you, those roles depend on whether or not you have ties to the Ku Klux Klan. Me, I'm rooting for Betsy and her insane 8 year old son, who I will call "Johnny," partially because I believe someone calls him "Johnny" in the video and partially because I feel like if they made a prequel to the Karate Kid based on Johnny Lawrence's early childhood, it would go kind of like this.
https://youtu.be/0vNoR4Yb4Gc
0:01 — The first minute or so of the video is just some random, muffled trash talk going back and forth, presumably in the aftermath of Speedy dropping her alleged racial bomb on the Walmart employee. Because we don't have a clear view of the soon to be combatants, it's hard to tell who the aggressor is, but one thing is highly likely — the words "Do you think you're better than me???" were uttered somewhere along the way. They're basically the redneck fight equivalent of the timekeeper's bell in a WWE match. As soon as those words are uttered, the fight begins….
1:03 — "Come on bitch"…. yeah, it's going down. Cameraman is approaching the correct aisle to get a good seat. We also hear a high pitched squeal saying "COME OOOOWWWNN…." That would be Johnny. More on him in a second.
1:10 — Speedy motors up to Betsy at about 3 MPH screaming "YOU WANT IT??? YOU WANT IT???" and then, in the most miraculous random "recovery of leg usage" since Grandpa Joe climbed out of bed to visit Willy Wonka's factory, Speedy is off her scooter and onto her feet and swinging mitts on Betsy. (So wait, they let people with fully functional legs use those larks? Honestly, how big a lazy piece of shit do you have to be to ride around Walmart on a motorized scooter instead of, y'know, using your legs?)
1:11 — The crowd is gathering in the background, phones out, ready to watch and film. 2015, yo!
1:15 — I would describe Speedy's fight style as "used windmill being sold on Craig's List," and as the camera makes its way around the corner, we find out how effective the style is, which is to say it's not effective at all. Betsyr has already subdued her to an extent, and Tyler is getting ready to rain a barrage of foreign objects onto Speedy's dome.
1:23 — Welp, "Hey, there are kids here" Guy is in the house. Hey Flanders, just watch…I don't think this particular kid is scared. In fact, Tyler will whoop your ass if you're not careful, old man.
1:26 — If you had "tramp stamp YES -400," cash your ticket.
1:41 — "Johnny, punch her in the fucking face…" Nothing says "Walmart in Indiana" quite like encouraging a second grader to commit felonious assault before he turns nine years old. Start 'em young!
1:62 — Both fighters are able to get to their feet and square off for some fisticuffs. Neither is what I would call an "accurate striker."
1:55 — Down goes a shelf full of shampoo. As the old saying goes, "It's not a fight until the words 'clean up on aisle 12' are uttered over the loudspeaker." Now it's on!!
2:10 — So now Johnny is whaling on Speedy's face, and this is the moral dilemma — if you're a good person, you should be rooting for Betsy and Johnny to win because racism sucks, however, it's hard to root for the side that a) is employing a highly illegal double team tactic and b) has a kid who is openly campaigning for a spot in "juvy" within the next two years.
2:26 — At this point, the fight has degenerated into more of a mating ritual than an actual brawl. Ground and pound equals GROOSSSS….
2:34 — Johnny's trash talk game is on point, dropping a "dummy" and a "do something about it" on Speedy. The only thing missing is a skeleton Halloween costume.
2:53 — BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO TO THE HEAD….JOHNNY WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'??? THAT RACIST HAS A FAMILY, BAH GAWD!!!
So how good is this fight? It actually has a "Part Two"! This is like the Iron Man Match of Walmart Fighting! Let's roll over to Part Two, where we learn more about the Johnny character in the storyline….
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