Scourge Chat ( You Will Love It )

[Nesyla]

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***



[theLichKing]: Hey



[theLichKing]: Anyone there?



[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*



***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***



[theLichKing]: Hey man.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: my liege



[theLichKing]: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me



[Kel’Thuz4d]: anything my liege



[Kel’Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste



[Kel’Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory



[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?



[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...



[Kel’Thuz4d]: y?



[theLichKing]: It's really really cold in here.



[theLichKing]: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne



[theLichKing]: Right



[theLichKing]: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.



[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.



[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen



[Kel’Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power



[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?



[theLichKing]: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?



[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then



[Kel’Thuz4d]: like a ring?



[theLichKing]: A ring?



[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.



[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: so what then



[theLichKing]: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: armor?



[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.



[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor



[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?



[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.



[theLichKing]: I have skulls.



[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out



[theLichKing]: No!



[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its cool



[theLichKing]: No, don't...



[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.



[theLichKing]: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times.



***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***



[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be important.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all



[Killzone’jaeden]: Warmer?



[theLichKing]: No it's really not necessary sir



[Killzone’jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah



[theLichKing]: No



[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah he does



[theLichKing]: I really don't.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that



[Killzone’jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire



[Killzone’jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you



[Killzone’jaeden]: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and



[Killzone’jaeden]: OH WAIT



[Killzone’jaeden]: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE



[theLichKing]: So sorry sir



[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around



[Kel’Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff



[Kel’Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague



[Kel’Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war



[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn't mention that...



[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh yes. The "Spider War."



[Killzone’jaeden]: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid



[Killzone’jaeden]: OF SPIDERS



[Killzone’jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Didn't take me ten years



[Killzone’jaeden]: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT



[theLichKing]: Yes sir



[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.



[theLichKing]: I'm on it.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this



[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here



[Kel’Thuz4d]: sure



[theLichKing]: NO! That's not necessary



[Killzone’jaeden]: Hold on I'll go get him.



***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***



[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY



[theLichKing]: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??



[Kel’Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right



[theLichKing]: ...



[Kel’Thuz4d]: horde?



[theLichKing]: *headdesk*



***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***



[An00b’arak]: hay ***** whats goin on in dis chat



[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup



[An00b’arak]: sup



[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup



[An00b’arak]: sup



[Kel’Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap



[An00b’arak]: what are yoooooou doing



[theLichKing]: GUYS



[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY



[An00b’arak]: whats his problem



[Kel’Thuz4d]: hes cold



[An00b’arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn



[An00b’arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy



[An00b’arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved



[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!



[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff



[An00b’arak]: what is that supposed to mean??



[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh



[An00b’arak]: oh i get it



[An00b’arak]: bc im an arachnid?????



[An00b’arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs



[An00b’arak]: racist



[Kel’Thuz4d]: no no no



[Kel’Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work



[An00b’arak]: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid



[An00b’arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am



[An00b’arak]: >8< spider pride



***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***



[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god



***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***



[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god



[An00b’arak]: im lodging a formal protest



[An00b’arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer



[An00b’arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race



[An00b’arak]: and species



[An00b’arak]: and phylum



[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset



[An00b’arak]: omg



[An00b’arak]: dont apologize for him arthas



***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***



[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.



[theLichKing]: Aw hell.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Precisely.



[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine...



[An00b’arak]: kiljaeden??



[Killzone’jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord.



[An00b’arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece



[Killzone’jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!



[Killzone’jaeden]: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.



[An00b’arak]: no im serious this is a real issue



[Killzone’jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?



[An00b’arak]: phylum



[An00b’arak]: ism



[Killzone’jaeden]: You best start talking some English



[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?



[theLichKing]: Precisely.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Don't get cute.



[An00b’arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition



[Killzone’jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?



[An00b’arak]: i dont have 1



[Killzone’jaeden]: What?



[An00b’arak]: im an arachnid



[An00b’arak]: >8< spider power



[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job?



[An00b’arak]: what



[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do.



[Killzone’jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs



[Killzone’jaeden]: And then you were like,



[Killzone’jaeden]: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!"



[Killzone’jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?



[theLichKing]: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before.



[Killzone’jaeden]: That you're an idiot?



[An00b’arak]: ur horrible



[An00b’arak]: ur a phylumist



[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.



[An00b’arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist



[An00b’arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though



***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***



[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god



***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***



[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god



[Kel’Thuz4d]: go back to your hole



[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here



[Killzone’jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider



[An00b’arak]: p



[An00b’arak]: h



[An00b’arak]: y



[Kel’Thuz4d]: lolwut



[An00b’arak]: l



[An00b’arak]: u



[Killzone’jaeden]: Shut. Up.



[An00b’arak]: m



[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.



[An00b’arak]: i



***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***



***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***



[An00b’arak]: sts



***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***



[Killzone’jaeden]: Finally



[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras



[theLichKing]: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.



[Kel’Thuz4d]: no he wants armor



[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*



[theLichKing]: Of power.



[Killzone’jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.



[Killzone’jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.



***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: hey everyone

[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!



[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]:



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: i hacked admin



***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.***



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: rofl



[Killzone’jaeden]: TIE fighters



[theLichKing]: What?



[Killzone’jaeden]: Nothing. Can't you kick her out?



[theLichKing]: I just tried



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: admin guys



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: ^___^



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out



[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies



[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!



[Killzone’jaeden]: ROFLMAO



[Kel’Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude



[theLichKing]: This isn't funny!



[theLichKing]: i play with dolls



[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy



[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything



[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha



[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room



[Killzone’jaeden]: NO!



[Killzone’jaeden]: We're waiting for Sargeras!



[Killzone’jaeden]: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway



[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not going to confuse him



[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout



[Killzone’jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious



[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned



[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny"



[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there



[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dont get it



[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb



[Killzone’jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.



[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl



[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh now she's doing it to me too



[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to put on women's clothes



[Killzone’jaeden]: and pretend im a woman



***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***



[Killzone’jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty



[Killzone’jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess



[theLichKing]: Umm she's not here anymore



[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...



[theLichKing]: ...



[Killzone’jaeden]: ...



[Killzone’jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS



***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: heeeeeee~



[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux



[Kel’Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run



[Kel’Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz



[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss?



[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much



[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv



[Kel’Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard



[Kel’Thuz4d]: hold on afk



[theLichKing]: You have a cat?



[theLichKing]: Seriously?



[theLichKing]: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?



[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out



[Kel’Thuz4d]: and ok



[Kel’Thuz4d]: two things



[Kel’Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome



[Kel’Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??



[Kel’Thuz4d]: "freaking skeleton lord"



[Killzone’jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean..."you people"



[Killzone’jaeden]: What do YOU mean, "you people"?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: hahahaha



[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie.



[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to poop



[theLichKing]: ...



[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time



[theLichKing]: ...



[Killzone’jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her



[Kel’Thuz4d]: "this time"?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes



[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?



[Killzone’jaeden]: No, of course not



[Kel’Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer



[Killzone’jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.



[Killzone’jaeden]: And skulls.



[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??



[Killzone’jaeden]: Wait what?



[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject



***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***



[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1



[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!



[Killzone’jaeden]: oh god



[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!



[theLichKing]: You actually said that already



[Killzone’jaeden]: He spelled it different though.



[Killzone’jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve



[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK *** AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[Killzone’jaeden]: Right



[Killzone’jaeden]: But what we're going for is



[theLichKing]: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this



[Killzone’jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint...



[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties



[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg



[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[theLichKing]: hahahahaha



[Kel’Thuz4d]: pwned



[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111



[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now



[theLichKing]: Rule 34



[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from



[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*



[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[SARGERAS]: !



[Kel’Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*



[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok I'm done



[Killzone’jaeden]: F this



[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm outta here



[Killzone’jaeden]: I hate Azeroth



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: aw dont go



***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***



[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: byeee~



[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11



[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one



[Kel’Thuz4d]: missed a t



[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah



[theLichKing]: So close



***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok im out too



[theLichKing]: Ugh fine



[theLichKing]: TTYL



[Kel’Thuz4d]: ttyl



***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***



[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RR!!!!!!



[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.



[theLichKing]: The worst.



[theLichKing]: The worst.



[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done.



[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.



[theLichKing]: *wrath*



***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***



[SARGERAS]: *looks around*



[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?



[SARGERAS]: ...



[SARGERAS]: I have eaten



[SARGERAS]: the plums



[SARGERAS]: that were in



[SARGERAS]: the icebox



[SARGERAS]: and which



[SARGERAS]: you were probably



[SARGERAS]: saving



[SARGERAS]: for breakfast



[SARGERAS]: Forgive me



[SARGERAS]: they were delicious



[SARGERAS]: so sweet



[SARGERAS]: and so cold



[SARGERAS]:



***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***





Old but great, credit goes to Bryan.

 

[Sneaky]

Long, but fantastic and funny.



Brings up some nostalgia from those old raiding days...

 

[Turdel]

Why did I just read this

 

[Nesyla]

Long, but fantastic and funny.



Brings up some nostalgia from those old raiding days...

I really does.

 

[Confusing]

LUFF IT

 

[Kore nametooshort]

Lol, absolutely fantastic

 

[roudy]

funny ****

 

[RestOfTheLynx]

I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.

^ how i feel most days



thanks for the post. old but awesome.

 

[Fourtwennay]

I want my 3 minutes back.

Some parts were funny though

 

[Dramatized]

TL;DR, will read later

 

[Sneaky]

If this was up to date, the Lich King would've said:



[theLichKing]: I used to have regular kneecaps, but then I took an arrow to the knee and now I have skulls on my kneecaps.

 

[Bellastrasza]

My stomach literally hurts after that, but thanks! Tis a classic indeed